Talk to your friend
Reassure them that you will listen and will not judge. Do not pressure them – they will talk when they are ready. Find out what is happening if they are willing to share.
Supporting someone you believe is being abused
How to spot if someone is being abused
Are you concerned that a friend of yours is being abused? Have they confided in you that they are in an abusive relationship? It is not always easy to identify if someone is being abused, and every case is different.
Remember that a perpetrator is not always a male partner; it can be anyone with a close connection to the victim, regardless of gender.
If something doesn’t feel right, get in touch.
Here are some of the ways someone might act if they are being abused
- Dismiss or make excuses for injuries.
- Wear covering clothes that don’t fit the season, such as long sleeves in summer, to cover bruises.
- Wear makeup / more makeup than usual to hide marks on their face.
- Act out of character – have low self-esteem, seem depressed, anxious, or introverted when they are not usually.
- Cancel plans last minute.
- Often don’t show up to work, school or other commitments.
- Justify their partner, friend, or relative’s behaviour.
- Become reluctant to talk about their partner, friend, or relative.
- Never have any money or seem worried about spending money, particularly on credit cards.
- Constantly check in with, or are checked up on by, their partner, friend or relative.
- Seem overly worried about pleasing their partner, friend or relative.
How you can help
Do your research
Explore online resources and local services – Gilgal have created a handy list. If your friend is not from the UK and you are worried they may be a victim of modern slavery, offer insight on UK culture and what is “normal” here. Research UK rights and legal help if necessary.
Share information
Collect useful contacts and phone numbers for your friend. These can be refuges, places they will be safe to disclose information, legal help, and places they can stay.
Offer to be a proxy
Offer to be your friend’s proxy – if their communications are being monitored, give your own contact details to refuges, support services and so on.
Offer your assistance
Offer to attend appointments with your friend. Sometimes company can be a powerful help, especially if you already know what happened. You may be able to speak more freely about what has happened to the police or a doctor than the victim can by themselves.
Emergency escape plan
Help them write an emergency escape plan. Offer to keep their go-bag of clothes and toiletries at your house. Offer them a place to stay if you are able to.
Further resources
The Friends and Family Handbook
Women’s Aid have released a handbook of practical support and information for anyone worried about a loved one.