What to do if you are worried you might be experiencing abuse
Have your friends or family expressed concern about your living situation?
Do the people around you question things you tell them about your family?
Worrying about triggering unpredictable behaviour in someone you live with?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, Gilgal can help you.
The first thing to remember is you are not alone. Never feel ashamed of the situation you find yourself in; there are people out there who have experienced it too.
If you are in any doubt, please contact us. At Gilgal, all conversations are handled with sensitivity. We are a non-judgemental organisation and will help you talk through your concerns and questions.
If something doesn’t feel right, get in touch for 24/7 support that is always non-judgement, private, and confidential
If you are in immediate danger, dial 999 and ask for the police
What does abuse look like?
Domestic abuse can be defined as an incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, or threatening behaviour from an intimate partner or family member, regardless of gender or sexuality.
Abuse can start small and escalate over time. You may feel that it’s “not bad enough” to contact us or feel that you can handle it alone. We want to hear from you.
If something doesn’t feel right in your situation, get in touch.
They often
- Criticise and / or mock me.
- Embarrass me in front of other people.
- Shout at me and make me feel small.
- Confuse me about things that have happened and how I feel about them (gaslighting).
- Blame me for their behaviour towards me.
- Tell me what I can or can’t wear.
- Control who I see and talk to.
- Restrict my contact with family and friends.
- Keep me from having the job I want.
- Keep cash, credit cards, and bank details from me.
- Won’t let me buy my own clothes.
- Won’t let me have money for basic needs like food.
- Attack me with weapons, strangle or suffocate me.
- Punch, kick, or push me, pull my hair.
- Threaten to kill me.
- Threaten to attack / kill a loved one.
- Force me to have sex.
- Control what I can do and when, including basic needs like eating, sleeping, going to the bathroom.
- Monitor my phone, emails, and social media.
- Lock me in or out of my house.
- Apologise and promise it won’t happen again
If any of the above apply to your situation, please get in contact Gilgal today.
Modern day slavery
Modern day slavery is an increasingly common form of abuse.
Women are often brought over from abroad and married into families to serve them. The woman will be expected to do all the cooking and cleaning for the house, and not be allowed to eat or sleep until others have done so. They are not paid or given disposable income, and have no freedom to do things they choose. This can be described as “looking after” family, “part of the culture”, or a “work opportunity” for a better way of life, but it is not normal.
If you are worried this may apply to you, get in touch with us today. We can help you understand your rights in the UK.
Staying safe
Be aware of what abuse looks like
It does not have to be physical violence to be considered abuse. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
Stay safe online
Know how to keep yourself safe online; you can follow this advice from Refuge.
Emergency plan
Create your emergency escape plan. You may never need it, but it’s better to be prepared.
Research your rights
Knowledge is power! Find a safe way to do some research – if your online activities are being monitored, consider using a public library or a friend’s device. Make friends within your normal day e.g. mums at the school gates, join a women’s group, attend a coffee morning. They can provide an insight into what is “normal” without raising suspicions.
Disclose your concern in a way that is safe to you
Integrate it into your daily routine – you can disclose your situation to a GP, the police, or a teacher at your child’s school. Ask for a Designated Safeguarding Lead (DSL) to talk to, and tell them what has been happening at home.
Contact us
We are available for confidential support 24/7, and will be able to refer you to the best help for your situation. We will never contact you unless you have told us it is safe to do so. We will only contact you in a way you have told us is safe to do so. We can contact you through a trusted friend or relative (proxy) if your communications are being monitored.
Clare’s Law
Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme
If you’re concerned about yourself or a friend, you can request information about the potential perpetrator from the Police. This service is called Clare’s Law.